Life is unpredictable. Children in foster care know this better than anyone. Instability is a unifying theme in most of their lives. Disrupted relationships and changing homes often create a sense of uncertainty that lingers long after a child enters care, showing up as anxiety and emotional/behavioral outbursts. One of the most powerful ways foster parents can nurture healing is by building steady, predictable routines.
Why Routines Matter
Routines create a feeling of safety. When children know what’s coming, they can relax both physically and emotionally. Repeated safe and expected outcomes signal to their nervous system that they can depend on their community. Over time, consistency lays a foundation of trust between child and caregiver.
It’s important to note that creating routines doesn’t mean creating a rigid schedule. It simply means finding moments of predictability children can count on, like knowing they’ll have dinner at the table each night or that we always brush our teeth and read a book before bedtime. The goal is to establish rhythm, not rules.
5 Tips for Creating Routine
- Anchor the day. Keep regular times for a few things such as waking up, meals, and bedtime. A steady rhythm–not strict clock-watching–is key.
Communicate the plan. Share what’s coming next with verbal reminders or visual schedules. Follow through when possible, and if plans change, be clear and honest about why. - Provide choices within the routine. Small decisions, like which book to read before bed or which side to eat with dinner, give children a sense of control within the structure and further establish trust.
- Honor existing routines. If a child brings a comforting habit from a previous home, keep it when you can. Familiarity eases transitions.
- Celebrate the small wins. A smooth morning or a calm bedtime are milestones worth recognizing. Acknowledge these moments out loud to help build confidence and reinforce positive behaviors.
When to Reach Out for Support
Every child’s history and needs are unique, which means there is no one size fits all routine. If you’re unsure how to create structure that truly supports the child, don’t hesitate to reach out to your case managers or seek help from family therapists. Specialized professionals can help design routines that address your child’s specific experiences or diagnoses. You’re not in this alone and–thanks to you–neither is your foster child.